Villain Reports
by Roxius
Summary: The villains of DBZ have some complaints! PLEASE REVIEW! HERO REPORTS ADDED! The heroes now express their problems!
1. Villain Reports series 1

VILLAIN REPORTS

Report 1:

" Hi, my name is Frieza. I want to be super…super…. ahh super STRONG and take over the universe. I want to kill and beat up Goku at the same time. I should be stronger than a Super Sayian RIGHT NOW! Thank you."

Clap CLAP CLAP

Report 2

"AHED. My name is Cell. I am mad at Funimation because a snotty little kid kills me! I mean, I am really mmmmm and I want a new rerun! Thanks.

BBBBOOOOOO

Report 3

"HHHHIIIIII. My names…. Buu, kid Buu, Super buu, and evil Buu! (Evil Buu) We think we should be paid more and be more creative looking. (Kid Buu) Like, come on! Who likes 3 pink creampuffs and a gray slim Jim as villains? COME ON! (Super Buu) We are powerful! How does the SS 3 still be stronger? NO MATTER HOW MANY PEOPLE WE EAT, SS 3 GOKU STILL BEATS US! (Majin Buu) In conclusion, we want to be more creative, stronger, and more pay. Thank you."

Clap CLAP CLAP

Report 4

" Say, my name's Vegeta! And…I WANT TO BE STRONGER THAN KAKKOROT! Thank you."

"……."

Report 5

" Hello, my name is Brolly. I'm supposed to be the strongest sayian in the universe! LOOK AT ME! I WEIGH MORE THAN MY PAPA! Thank you."

"Snicker"

Report 6

" My name is Ginyu. I am mad that I can't control the body strength of who I change with! THAT MAKES ME REALLY……..MMMMMMMMAMAMAMAMAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDD!"

Ginyu blows up


	2. Villain Reports series 2

Report 7

"I am a warlock, but I look like a freakin' bug! A BUG, DAMN IT! I don't even have any feisty moves like the electric slide or the Macarena! WHY MUST FUNAMATION CURSE ME SO! By the way, da name's Babidi!"

"Cough…Cough…"

Report 8

"JANEMBA! JANEMBA! JANEMBA! JANEMBA! JANEMBA! RICHARD…NIXON!"

"………"

Report 9

"I DO NOT MOLEST LITTLE GIRLS! SURE, FUNAMATION KNOWS THAT I HAVE A TEENAGE GIRL IN MY LAB AS AN ANDROID, BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME A SLEAZE! Besides…most women think my beard makes me look sexy…. this is Dr. Ger0."

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

Report 10

"Wait, why am I here? I'm not evil! I am a lover, not a fighter! DAMN YOU ALL, LET ME OUT OR I'LL BLOW OFF YOUR F HEADS OFF AND DESTROY YOUR FAMILIES! Wait…did anyone hear that?"

"Gohan, get out of here!"

Report 11

"Cooler is here and I got something to say! ………WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE! Oh, yeah, I DO have a problem! I can't die, damn it! I CAN'T DIE!"

"You don't WANT to die, stupid!"

Report 12

"DARKNESS EXISTS IN EVERY HEART! BECAUSE I……NEED YOUR MUFFINS!"

"AHHH! BOJACK JUST BIT ME IN THE SPLEEN!"

Report 13

"Dabura is king of underworld. Dabura have problem with ladies. WHY DOES HOT CHICKY RUN FROM DABURA?"

"Uh…because she hates you and she's Vegeta's wife…."


	3. Villain Reports series 3

Report 14

"I'm very sexy and…I look like a freakin' bishounen and I am obviously one of the most gayest characters in DBZ! I also once made love with Dodoria and Frieza and I sucked his-"

"ZARBON, STOP PUTTING THESE THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD!"

Report 15

"My name is Android 17. Normally, I wouldn't even bother coming here, but I have a complaint to say to Funamation! WHY'D YA TAKE OUT MY SEX SCENE WITH PICCOLO, DAMN YOU ALL! ……Also, I find Dr. Gero's beard attractive!"

"………"

Report 16

"Mama Mia! What the hell are I? Who is you? Something, save him! Die, crumpnuts!"

"Since when was Mario here…?"

Report 17

"Look, it's not like I got a thing against Funamation or Akira Toriyama, but why do I have to get the shit beaten out of me twice by those shit balls of shit and that shitty actress, Shitarrot! SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!"

"Burter…you got to stop drinking!"

Report 18

"I am Android 18, and I have no problems except for a crazy old molesting man and his attractive beard. I also have an emo brother and my daughter is gay…DAMN IT!"

"Poor girl…"

Report 19

"Nappa is in da house! I have something to say and it ain't pretty! I am heart broken that Vegeta would kill me after all those times I cared for him and protected him! I WILL STRANGLE VEGETA AND CRUSH HIS BODY AND SEND HIM TO HELL IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO, AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!"

"Get out the night sticks quick!"

Report 20 (Final Report)

"I would like to thank my friends, family, and my pay rise from Funamation to make this all possible! However…I AM BABI AND I WILL KILL EVERYONE! THE SAYIANS SHOWED NO MERCY, SO I WILL NOT SHOWER WITH MERCY! JUST…LET ME WIN FOR ONCE! I ALSO NEED A SHORTER SAGA BECAUSE MOST OF GT WAS ABOUT ME BEIN' A BAD BOY!"

"Shower…with Mercy?"

(That was the end of the villain reports. Next time: The Hero Reports!)


	4. Hero Reports series 1

_**HERO REPORTS:**_

Report 1

"Hi. My name's Goku! I have some complaints! I need to be smarter than a crappy jackass monkey! I NEED…SCHOOLIN'! I WILL THEN RULE THIS PLANET AND DRESS UP LIKE BILL GATES ON HALLOWEEN! I WILL EAT ALL YOUR CANDY! NOW…GIVE ME YOUR DONUTS!"

"No! These are my donuts!"

Report 2

"This is Son Gohan. I already went (back in the villain reports), but this time I have a complaint! I HATE MY LIFE! I WANTED TO BE A GOTH PUNK WHO SMOKES WEED AND CARRIES A POCKET KNIFE WITH ME EVERYWHERE, BUT INSTEAD I'M SOME PRISSY BISHONEN STUDENT! PLUS, I WANTED TO BE GAY, BUT I FELL IN LOVE WITH VIDEL! I ACTUALLY WANTED TO MOLEST MY LITTLE BROTHER AND-"

"HOLY SHIT, SHOOT HIM! SHOOT HIM NOW!"

Report 3

"Yo, funkies! Future Trunks here! I really got to say that I dislike everything about this…this…tofu! It tastes like shitty hell! Someone, taste it and tell Piccolo it is NOT good for your stomach! C'mon, punk! TASTE IT!"

"Get away from me!"

Report 4

"Goten, A.K.A. me, has something to say. I've been sexy in only one saga, and its one where I go evil and get controlled by Babi! I may have been a kid for most of the series, but I'm sure some ten-year old girls were just dying to climb into bed with me! I AM A SEX MASTER!"

"…..What?"

Report 5

"Trunks (Young version) is here. First complaint…MAKE ME HAVE MORE LINES! Second, I would like every female ninja in Naruto to come and tell me how hot I am and become my groupies and follow me everywhere. Third complaint: All your base are belong to us!"

"Uh…those are requests, not complaints."

Report 6

"Normally, I, Prince of Sayians, wouldn't be caught dead here, but oh well! I have had made many wise cracks towards Funamation during shooting, but those dumb fools still don't get it! I NEED THEM TO MAKE GOKU GIVE BACK MR. STUFFY BEAR! I can't sleep at night without him! I have to use Bulma as a substitute and that's how she nailed me into making her pregnant! I AM ANGRY!"

"Whoa…"

Report 7

"I AM MR. SATURN, GREATEST CHEESE GRATER IN THE WORLD! UP, UP, AND AWAY! YA-HAA!"

"….Was that Hercule?"

Report 8

"I'm Yamcha and this is Tien. We both have the same problem: Why don't we have easier opponents to fight that we can actually WIN against? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH?HUH HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH? HUH-"

"SHUT UP, BOTH OF YOU!"


	5. Hero Reports series 2

Report 9

"I am Kuririn, or Krillin, if you like. I need some lovin', but I got no jazz! This just shits up my ass and makes me spit! I still wonder if 18 was drunk when we got in bed that faithful night…Aw, well! I'm her bitch and that's all that matters! HA HA HA HA!"

"Stupid…"

Report 10

"I am Yajirobe, son of Homer Simpson. I grew up in a small suburban town full of gay women and straight men. This caused a feud where everyone died. Still, I couldn't help by check out the bodies of dead naked people! No sir, no way! …..PINEAPPLE!"

CLAP CLAP CLAP

Report 11

"Piccolo has only one thing to say. VEGETA IS FREAKIN' LYING! I own Mr. Stuffy Bear, not that big-butt gay prince! Mr. Stuffy Bear makes me feel safe at night! And when I don't have him, I have to sleep with Mr. Popo or Dende!"

"Creepy…"

Report 12

"Pan is not born yet, so my pre-mature baby egg form will speak for her! Hello there, everyone! I just blew a hole through Chi-Chi's body to get here, so it wasn't very hard! I can't see or think well, and I'm losing a lot of blood, so-"

"……..It died."

Report 13

"KING COLD IS IN DA HOUSE! GIVE ME A D!"

"D!"

"GIVE ME AN A!"

"A!"

"GIVE ME AN M!"

"M!"

"GIVE ME AN N!"

"N!"

"WHAT DOES THAT SPELL?"

"DAMN!"

"DAMN RIGHT! SEE YA!"

"Wait, he's not a good guy!"

Report 14

"PLEASE, DO NOT FORGET ME, PIKKON! I star in only one movie and a short saga about Great Sayiaman! I'm also in a new PSP game, but still! I want to appear in more home videos and DVDS, damn it! GIVE ME YOUR AFRO!"

"NO WAY! FIST OF THE NOSE HAIR!"

"AAUUUUUUUUGHHHHH!"


	6. Hero Reports series 3

Report 15

"Uub is up! First of all, WHAT THE HELL OF ALL FAT AND JOLLY IS A NAME LIKE UUB! I MEAN SURE, I'M A REINCARNATION OF BUU, BUT UUB IS JUST SICK AND TACKY! SO…I'M GIVIN' FUNAMATION THE FINGER!"

"The finger!"

Report 16

"My name is Chiaotzu. Now, as you all know, I have many mental problems. However, I want to know why I am over 40 but look like a freakin' clown doll, why I have a female voice, and why Tien must rape me every night! WWWWWAAAHHH!"

"……"

Report 17

"This is Bulma Strangnolovitz. I am here to report on serious issues with my husband and a certain teddy bear. I was asked if I had any comments earlier, but I was busy playing .Hack! Still, I beat Cubia! W00T!"

"Morons…"

Report 18

"I am the beast. I watch you as you sleep or make sex with your women. I will hunt all of you down and kill you all. I will rule darkness and the planets. I will eat your spleen…"

"Who…was…that?"

Report 19

"I am Majin Vegeta. I have finally conquered this planet because I've killed Goku and retrieved Mr. Stuffy Bear for my sexy, shirtless friend named Vegeta!"

"Vegeta, get out of here…"

Report 20 (Final Report)

"BABES! BABES! BABES! BABES! BABES! BABES! JANEMBA! JANEMBA! JANEMBA! BABES! BABES! BABES!"

"Master Roshi, please stop talking…"

Coming soon: Anime Reports!

(Staring characters from Naruto, One Piece, and more! Tell me in the reviews if I should make the Anime Reports!)


End file.
